Let’s face it, most
of us want to be well thought of - a natural desire which is
normally and quite easily achieved by learning to be likeable. Yet some people
want more than that. Some crave attention 24 hours a day, while others are determined
to be admired, envied, emulated and even adored.
In itself, of course, there’s nothing wrong with popularity. Problems arise by
the means we use to acquire it. Take Gemma*, a real class act. Like Alice
Hadwin, one of the characters from The Runaway Children,
Gemma is slim, pretty, witty and always in style, a real trendsetter if ever
there was one. Unlike Alice, however, not only does Gemma turn heads, but her
own dainty skull has been turned so fast it’s spinning at 90 miles an hour! In
this girl’s (admittedly stunning green) eyes, no one will ever ‘put her in the
corner’ and anyone who tries is treated to blistering verbal attacks,
behind-the-back sniggering and general cold shoulder treatment from Gemma and
her ego-stroking cronies.
Gemma is only 14 but already showing the traits of a pushy mother whose
designer-clad, hot-housed offspring will be forced to place themselves at the
centre of the universe, next to the planet Venus and two or three paces behind
their Mum. Currently, Gemma is a teenage bully on her way to a manipulative
middle-age, patrolling each stage of her life with a ‘me-first’ agenda and
demanding not just popularity but all out supremacy – whatever the cost!
Then there’s Robert*. Nice lad. Too nice, some would say. He desperately wants
to be popular but his methods are very different to Gemma’s. Robert never
demands attention; he wheedles for it, attaches himself to the ‘in’
people and goes along with everything they say. A company 'Yes' man in the
making, he exists to please. He’ll laugh at their jokes even when they’re
not funny. He’ll accept a reefer or other noxious substance even though he
doesn’t really want it. And he’ll fall in with whatever his pack leader does,
even if it’s risky, cruel or dangerous.
In contrast, a likeable – as opposed to popular - person doesn’t look to others
for approval. Nor do they seek their own glory or try to force others to admire
them. They simply do what they believe is right. They treat others as they’d
like to be treated themselves. And, rather than be self-absorbed, they take a
personal interest in the people they meet.
A truly likeable person has empathy, is approachable, trustworthy, modest and
kind. He or she may not seek to be the centre of attention, but will invariably
be the one to whom friends, classmates and colleagues turn to in calamity, when
they need a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on.
And likeability never depends on following the crowd. On the contrary, to be
respected and even admired, be prepared to stand up for what you believe in,
whether it’s popular or not.
Ask yourself:
Am I determined to be the centre of attention, even if this means
being bullying, spiteful or manipulative?
Do I try too hard to fit in with my peers, even when their speech and actions
go against my principles?
Or, do I consider the feelings of others, being prepared to listen to their
problems and help them whenever I can?
In five years time, will any of the people I'm trying to impress remember
my NAME?
* Not their real names
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