Some years ago, my darling daughter (DD) came home from
college in a strop! “That Joe Taylor!”
From the tone of her voice, Joe Taylor had obviously done
something despicable. “It’s so insulting!” she growled, “All the girls are
fuming about it!”
The ‘it’ in question was a list, drawn up by Joe, which rated
each girl in his group according to ‘how fit she was’. This naturally caused quite
a stir. Yet, despite my initial feminist sensibilities, I quite admired Joe
Taylor. For the next few weeks, he became the focus of attention with every girl
trying desperately (but unsuccessfully) to discover her score. Let’s be honest,
not many guys can get so many girls so interested in their opinion.
Did the list even exist? If not, it wouldn't surprise
me. Joe, who later went up to Oxford, was an extremely clever young man with
his eye set on a political career – in which such tactics would doubtless prove
useful.
But would they work on any female over 16 with any
self-esteem?
I'd like to think not!
Being
top of the list is not enough.
Being Number One infers there’s a Number Two and a Number
Three and countless other numbers. A man with more than one woman in his sights
is not ready for a serious relationship. A man with a list is STILL LOOKING. And
a woman with any self-esteem wants to be NOT Number One but THE One, the One
and Only.
Sadly, an ever-widening choice of partners and the
willingness of both sexes to hook up with whoever takes their fancy has made
intimacy as meaningful in modern times as a trip to the public urinal. Sowing wild
oats is a rite of passage, along with social diseases, unwanted pregnancies, broken
marriages, loneliness, lovelessness, depression and heartbreak.
So what’s the solution? Maybe we should all take a giant
leap back into the past. True, previous generations saw injustice, poverty and
exploitation (just like today), but they got at least one aspect of their life
correct.
Courtship.
Courtship wasn’t just for the upper and middle classes.
Every level of society craved respectability, to have a good marriage with a
good person.
In Jane Austen’s day, young couples enjoyed chaste
activities under the watchful eyes of their chaperones. Instead of rapidly
shrinking hemlines and necklines, the hint of an ankle was as far as it went.
Extreme, maybe, but many a strong marriage was formed by exercising
self-control.
Of course, in many ways women are better off these days, but the very
fact they are no longer dependent on fathers and husbands makes it even easier
to hold oneself worthy – to view oneself as more than a number on a checklist!
A
few tips from Jane Austen
Don’t hold yourself cheap.
Never get ‘picked up’, accept a one-night stand or indulge
in casual sex.
Make sure you know the person fairly well – make friends with
him before dating.
For that first date, arrange to meet in a neutral environment
where there are people.
Introduce him to family and friends - and expect him to
do the same with you.
Avoid putting yourself in compromising situations –
parked cars, empty apartments or lonely parks.
Remember, if he truly cares for and respects you, he’ll
be prepared to wait.....
And want you for his One and Only!!!
