How to cope with STRESS

1 in 5 British workers physically ill; 1 in 4 reduced to tears in the workplace; unprecedented demand for anti-depressants…..All due to stress.

Yet, stress is not always a bad thing.  The American Psychological Association states that “Stress can be the kiss of death or the spice of life,” depending on how we manage it.

Imagine watching an adventure movie, say Indiana Jones or Fast and Furious. Or riding a rollercoaster.  When things get really exciting, the body’s emergency response system kicks in, making you breathe faster, increasing your blood pressure and heart rate, and really getting the adrenalin pumping as extra glucose and blood cells rush to the rescue.  Once the situation that triggered this response has passed, the body should return to normal.  But if the stress factor continues, the same mechanism can cause intense anxiety.

Much of today’s stress, of course, is far from pleasant, but how we handle it can make all the difference to our overall mental and physical health.  Tobacco, excessive alcohol, overeating or ‘vegging out’ in front of a TV or computer screen will only make things worse.

According to the National Institutes of Health in the US: “The best start to relieving stress is…..a well-balanced, healthy diet as well as getting enough sleep and exercise.  Also, limit caffeine and alcohol intake and don’t use nicotine, cocaine or other street drugs.” Other suggestions are regular breaks, hobbies and spending time with friends and family.

Naturally, different types of stress require different methods of coping:

Overstretched schedule

For some people, it’s hard to juggle work and family commitments, especially when there are children and elderly parents to consider.  But, no matter how packed your schedule, it’s important to find time to relax – otherwise you’re unlikely to help anyone, least of all yourself.  Prioritise, make sure you get enough sleep, and set aside much needed ’me time’.  If your current schedule won’t allow you to, maybe you should simplify your life. Do you really need that top-of-the-range car? The dream kitchen? Or a designer wardrobe?  So many people wear themselves out by chasing after ‘things’ which can never make you happy.  Try to be satisfied with the quality of life rather than the amount of stuff you can acquire!

Insecurity

In recession, job security and fears for the future may hang heavily. People with consistent support from family or friends are less affected by stress-related disorders, so being able to confide in someone close is a real protection. On top of personal anxiety about the future, the news is full of worrying events. Natural disasters, terrorist attacks, violent crime, accidents and illness are on every news item, which doesn’t make them any easier to cope with.

Yes, there are plenty of worries to keep you awake at night - if you let them! Try to avoid negative thinking – those ‘what if?’ disasters rarely happen and will only drag you downwards if you dwell on them. Just take one day at a time, deal with every problem as it arises and, if you’re a believer, pray about it. 

Troubled relationships

Spending 8 or more hours a day with a difficult boss or colleague is bound to get you down. Should they annoy or offend you, it can be hard to keep your tongue in check. But do try. Whereas a snide comment or angry response from you can make the situation 100 times worse, time and time again mildness has proved more powerful than rage, keeping tensions at bay and even softening the other person’s attitude.

If someone ‘has words’ with you, perhaps criticising you unfairly (at least in your view) try to keep the argument private, settling things with dignity and respect. You may believe you’re in the right, but it helps to see the problem from the other person’s angle and you may come to see their grievance is valid. Even if they’re completely in the wrong, be forgiving. People who bear grudges often have an increased heart rate and high blood pressure, while letting go of any resentment will lower stress levels.

There’s no doubt, every human on the planet suffers some form of stress. You may not be able to remove the causes; what you CAN do is to deflect your own anxiety by helping others, by reaching out in some way. Giving to others is one of the fastest routes to happiness and peace of mind – the perfect antidote to stressful,and even traumatic, conditions.

How to cope with ANGER

       Sad but true, at some time in your life things will fail to go your way: Family and friends may disappoint you; school, college and work mates may betray you; and people in authority may undermine your confidence.

       So how do you cope when the person you thought was your best friend flirts with your crush, your parents or teachers don’t listen to you and inexplicably you become the butt of feeble jokes? (Hopefully NOT by going berserk with a shotgun – a pattern which seems to be increasing these days as disaffected youths use violence in answer to small or imaginary sleights.)  

       Okay, so the anger may be justified, but can you control what others do or say? Hardly. The only person you can really control is YOU, and hopefully this post will help you to do that.

Stay calm

       This is stating the obvious yet it’s vital not to lash out in the heat of rage. If you feel you’re about to lose control, just walk away.  Better to leave the scene than do anything you may later regret - prisons are full of people like that! Cool down, breathe deeply, then proceed to the next stage.

Analyse

       Try to view the matter calmly and objectively. Are you being overly sensitive? Could you have contributed to the problem in some way? Were you unwise to burden your friend with a confidence? Did you set yourself up to be ridiculed? Was the other party being cruel intentionally, or just indulging in some witty banter? Even if the answer is ‘No’, would retaliating in kind make things even worse? Could anger make you even nastier than the perpetrator? Or blind you to your own faults:

       “Everyone’s unreasonable except me!”

Empathise

       Whenever you’ve been hurt, let down or inconvenienced by someone, remember this undeniable truth: Everyone’s imperfect – including YOU! Can you honestly say you’ve never been thoughtless, betrayed a confidence or put your mouth into gear before your brain!

       The tongue can be particularly tricky – like the rudder of a boat, it’s comparatively small compared to the overall vessel, yet, unchecked, it can steer even strong relationships onto the rocks. If you’ve ever blushed at embarrassing things you’ve said in the past, then accept that others can be just as slack-jawed in unguarded moments.

       “If only everyone else was perfect!”

Talk it over

       If, after careful examination, you’re convinced the other person deliberately set out to hurt you, by all means approach them – but only when you’re feeling calm. Think of what you want to say beforehand, write it down and rehearse it. Avoid emotional phrases such as “Why do you hate me?”  “What have I ever done to you?” “How dare you speak to me like that?”  Instead, make statements that are reasonable and matter of fact. For example: “I felt your remark/action/attitude was rather hostile. Am I right in thinking you have an issue with me?”

       You may find the other person was oblivious to the offence; perhaps it was a misunderstanding, or they could simply have been in a grotty mood with everyone. On the other hand, they may have meant to upset you and have no intention of apologising. At least you’ll have set matters straight.

       “Can we sort it out?”

Let it go

       If the person is genuinely sorry for any offence, the best thing you could do is to forgive and forget, especially when dealing with a friend. After all, you wouldn’t discard a favourite shirt or pair of trainers, so why throw away a valuable friendship?

       By keeping calm and standing back from the pain you feel, you’ll often find the matter was nowhere near as serious as you first imagined. You’ll earn respect for your rational way of dealing with things, hold onto genuine friends (however imperfect!) and perhaps save yourself and others from an awful lot of grief!

For some folk, fairy tales are Grimm!

       Terrific fun, of course, but children’s plays – especially pantomime – can be a perilous occupation. Not only do scripts have to be side-achingly funny, but politically correct, issue aware and socially on message into the bargain. 

       And there’s another factor we writers need to contend with – choosing a theme that won’t give children nightmares.

       According to a recent survey by US TV channel Watch, one in five parents have turned their backs on traditional fairy tales, considering the yarns too frightening for young children. Whether anyone asked their offspring what they thought is open to question – after due consideration, I tend to think not, as most kids I know love nothing better than a good scare!

      Some of the adults interviewed also find many fairy stories either reactionary, unrealistic or immoral (Hansel & Gretel and Rapunzel involve kidnapping, for instance.) Parents also seem to think fictional characters should set a good example to children, something apparently lacking from the thieving Goldilocks and Jack, the notorious beanstalk burglar. There's disapproval too of Cinderella and the Sleeping Beauty due to their obvious stereotyping of the female gender. As a result, a whole generation of under-fives are now being reared on modern alternatives such as Thomas the Tank Engine, Mr Men and The Gruffalo.
       Of course, many of the original tales dreamed up by Hans Christian Anderson, the Brothers Grimm and others were actually quite horrific - no doubt they could give your average video nasty a run for its money! Take the Ugly Sisters, for example; in the original version, they mutilated their own feet to fit into Cinders' dainty glass slipper. Snow White involves a rather nasty account of attempted child murder - by a family member at that! And what the Big Bad Wolf did to poor old grandma doesn't even bear contemplating!
       Even so, it's thought that fairy stories help children deal with real-life fears. Psychologists such as Bruce Bettelheim believe they provide coping mechanisms for youngsters, enabling them to chart their way through difficult situations in an increasingly hostile, adult-controlled world.
       In his book, Uses of Enchantment: The Meaning and Importance of Fairy Tales, Bettelheim argues: "Fairy tales are loved by the child…..because — despite all the angry, anxious thoughts in his mind to which the fairy tale gives body and specific context — these stories always result in a happy outcome, which the child cannot imagine on his own.”
       Children can also learn to identify human traits and frailties. Take any well-known folk tale and it's easy to parallel even the most exaggerated characters with flesh and blood people.
       Like Mum, for instance. When in conflict with her child, a mother who's normally cast as the good fairy is, to the child's mind, quickly transformed into the wicked witch; Daddy becomes the wise old Wizard, the fearless woodcutter rescuing Little Red Riding Hood from the slavering jaws of the wolf, or (my favourite) the eternal magic money-tree! And I'll give you three guesses who Justin Bieber represents. My own handsome prince has just got his bus pass, which just goes to show not all fairy tales end happily ever after! Meanwhile, a host of walk-ons in these fantasies i.e. ogres, beasts and pixies substitute for teachers, siblings and various friends or rivals.
       Personally, I find echoes of old fairy tales in almost every book I read, in films, in plays and even video games. It's said there are only 6 (or is it 8?) basic plots for which every writer has a different way of telling, each unique in its own way.
       And without such tales, there wouldn't be pantomimes - putting several writers out of a job!

Hunger on the rise. Why?

“One third of all deaths of children under 5 in developing countries linked to undernutrition” – WORLD FOOD PROGRAMME 

“842 million people do not eat enough to be healthy” – WORLD FOOD PROGRAMME 

“One in every 8 people goes to bed hungry each night” – WORLD FOOD PROGRAMME 

       

       A lot of people are going hungry right now - and it’s not just developing lands which are suffering.  As well as parts of Africa and Asia where droughts, famines, despots and wars have always caused problems, food shortages now seem to be spreading to the West and once thriving economies such as Japan.

Recently, a British couple committed suicide because they couldn’t cope with unemployment and the lack of money. To supplement their meagre income, they’d  been walking for  42 miles a day to collect rations from a charity centre and, whether from shame or sheer despair, reached the point when they simply gave up - just two more victims from an increasingly desperate generation. Greece, Italy, even America, all are having to cope with a sluggish economy, joblessness and rising food prices.

       In the UK, food inflation is currently outpacing the average wage increase, spiking last year to a 5% increase in what was once perceived to be, if not recession-proof, then certainly a recession-resistant industry.  Delegates to the Oxford Farming Conference a couple of years ago were asked to consider just who has power over food prices. According to the experts, it’s certainly not consumers. Nor is it farmers, who are currently being squeezed by dwindling suppliers on the one hand and the decrease in retail customers on the other.

       But how much power do governments wield? On the surface, very little, they would argue, citing  two reasons: For one thing, agriculture now operates in a global context, and secondly (at least as far as the United Kingdom is concerned), the government is keen to reduce farm subsidies in the belief that increasing world demand along with higher prices will compensate growers for these lost revenues. The demand will always be there, of course. But where is the supply? And  how can people on low incomes afford it?

       As well as the unwarranted increase in costs, another worrying factor is coming into play – the monopoly of food by huge transnational (TNCs) who are investing billions in agriculture and supplies.

      Has anyone noticed the speed with which small farms and food outlets are going out of business? How global conglomerates are buying up land for intensive farming and how supermarket chains are getting bigger and more powerful?

       Speaking to the OFC, Dr Alan Renwick – SAC Head of the Land Economy & Environmental Research Group, identified a few of these TNCs with genuine clout. Cargill, Syngenta, Monsanto, Wal-Mart and, to a certain extent, Tesco, are far more influential than the state whose intervention in agriculture and trade has been diminishing.  To date, three TNCs control almost 50% of the proprietary seed market.

       Personally, I wouldn’t discount the role which governments are playing - or are likely to play in the future. No doubt it suits them to maintain a helpless and therefore blameless  profile in the face of rising food scarcity. However, they must surely appreciate the power such a monopoly can wield. Control the world’s food supplies and you control the world.

       We can also count on genetic engineering to create further demand, thanks to the proliferation of GM cereals. At one time, farmers could depend on nature to provide generously – with one seed purchase providing healthy crops for several years. Yet there is nothing natural about some seeds produced by scientists in labs. They may be resistant to certain pests or climates, but many GM seeds are not self-propagating. Instead of having plenty of fertile new seed for the following crop, the farmer is forced to buy fresh seed from the supplier every time.

       Sadly, starvation and malnutrition are nothing new.  Back in the 1980s, an article in The Boston Globe stated: “A world with nearly a billion persons living close to starvation has to find ways to help the poorest nations to enjoy something approaching the bounty reaped by the richest nations, “The most disheartening  aspect of undernourishment . . . is that the world has a clear-cut capacity to feed everyone.” 

       Surely it’s time that capacity was realised.

UPDATE! 15th July 2021

       With Prince Charles pushing for sustainable farming, and concerned health practitioners mulling over the  government's latest food strategy (i.e. tax), I'm reminded of other factors that contribute to poor nutrition, even in seemingly fertile countries such as the UK. 

       Intensive farming, the use of chemicals and the failure to let land 'rest' have robbed the soil of its natural properties to such a degree that produce - especially green vegetation - no longer contains essential vitamins and minerals to the necessary extent. 

       Under the Mosaic Law, a sabbath rest was required every seventh year, during which the land lay fallow and its fertility was restored. Today, this can be achieved by regular crop rotation. (Exodus 23:11)

       Following a similar regime and using natural methods would not only improve consumers' health, but must surely help the environment.  

Americans versus British

       No, sorry, can’t resist, what with it trending and all! The Americans versus British issue has been exercising our deepest, most chauvinistic sentiments ever since the Boston Tea Party. Yet, along with all the (for the most part petty)  resentments, there is also affection - America viewing Britain as the irascible, highly eccentric, Woosterish Great Auntie, while the stiff-upper-lipped regard America as the brash young nephew who has never quite learned his place!

       We are, of course, extremely fond of each other, which gives both nations the right to chivvy and tease.

       One thing we Brits find rather alarming is the sheer outspokenness of Americans – understandable when you consider the subtle nuance and obfuscation for which cold-eyed civil servants who haunt the hallowed halls of Westminster are famed. In fact, there is nothing we Brits hate more than being ‘put on the spot’ by a direct question.

       “Why do you people hate Americans?” asked a young colonial I once met at a party. Now, had I been older with years of priming by my elders, I would probably have been more diplomatic. What I should have done was raise a quizzical eyebrow and say, with just a trace of condescension: “Do we? What an extraordinary thing to say!”  Instead, I blustered something about John Wayne winning all the battles during World War II - something British veterans were forever bleating on about. “The Yanks were never even there!” was one such utterance when watching Mr True Grit or other beefy US actors conquering Europe single-handedly.  “Too busy chatting up our girlfriends back home, most of them!” was another.

       Speaking of action films, this is an area where Brit/American differences are brought into sharp focus.  Think James Bond, about to be (say) thrown to the crocodiles/sharks/piranha or whatever. Does he flinch? Weep? Scream? Pray? Never! With one light-hearted quip as he flicks a speck from his immaculate tuxedo, he’s ready to face danger – and not a hair out of place! 
       
       American heroes on the other hand will spend their last moments speechifying, mouthing deeply profound solliloquys to wring every shred of emotion from the situation. This can take a very long time, especially if it’s a death scene.  “Come on, mate! Gerron wi’ it?!” growls the shaven-headed Mancunian in the neighbouring cinema seat, prompting laughter all round.  He’s not being unkind, you understand. It’s just that, however dire the situation, given a choice between heartfelt outpourings and a merry parting quip, British people will invariably opt for the latter – along with a nice cup of tea!

       Americans are also very loud. Faced with a group of sightseers in London,  the average Brit will take pains to keep a distance, as any decibels greater than a full-on heavy metal concert will cause his/her sensitive ears to burst. A brisk side-step into the kerb usually manages to extricate the native passer-by from the howls and whoops of US camaraderie. “OK peoples, we’ll meet here at 7pm sharp. NOT 6.59. NOT 7.01 but 7pm EXACTLY!”

       To be honest, I believe many British people resent the ‘rulers of the world’ attitude so many Americans adopt wherever they happen to be. Our cousins across the pond have such gusto, such curiosity, such a rage for experience, they can hardly help having interesting, exciting lives.

      In contrast, Brits of a certain generation are easily embarrassed, hate to make a fuss and would rather be torn to pieces by rapacious lions than draw attention to themselves. “Whatever will people think?” is their guiding thought, whereas Americans don’t care what anyone thinks. Life is there for grabs, not for standing in queues waiting patiently for buses. They complain if they have to, speak out when they want to, and go all out to get everything that life has to offer.

       Which is probably why we British envy them so much!

The downside of fame.

       "It sucks to be a famous right now" - Nicolas Cage

       Nic isn't the only celebrity to have felt this way. Britney Spears, Shia La Beouf (who locked himself in an elevator for his ‘art’), Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift and, most recently, Johnny Depp on self-destruct, all seem to have felt the strain.

       Talking to a reporter at the premiére of one of her films, the late actress Farrah Fawcett-Majors had this to say on how fame affected her life: “I’ve lost all my freedom. I didn’t realize the price I would have to pay for fame. I need a guard living with me at all times now and that in itself is a great strain.” Farrah felt particularly insecure after a kidnap attempt in Mexico which resulted in the killing of one of her security team. Friendships were another issue for this beautiful star: “I can count my true friends on two hands and most of them are from before I became well-known.” 

              These are just a few examples of talented people who have suffered because of their celebrity. Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, Amy Winehouse, Curt Cobain and other singers all hit the heights before succumbing to drugs, alcohol and failed relationships. Actors such as River Phoenix, Heath Ledger, Marilyn Monroe, died from unnatural causes while still in their prime, while countless others struggle daily with the pressures of fame – pressures with which the average human was never equipped to deal.

       Yet, every year, audition queues still form for talent show like the X-Factor - thousands of people desperate for a smattering of stardust and their moment in the sun. And no wonder, when the rich and famous are photographed arriving at achingly chic parties in designer clothes, escorted by unbelievably gorgeous dates. Or cavorting on glamorous beaches, their lithe (sometimes surgically enhanced) bodies immaculately tanned and toned. Admired by most, adored by some, envied by many. 

       And there’s the rub. For envy can be manifest in several ways, from persistent stalking to outright threats, ridicule and hateful comments. Just like an Aunt Sally, those on whom the gods of fortune seem to smile are there to be thwacked by the ungenerous and bitter – if not by a coconut, then at the very least a vicious verbal brick. 

       So, if you’ve ever imagined easing your bejewelled self from a chauffeur-driven limo and gliding down a red carpet in couture Versace, then think about the downside.

 Insecurity

       The problem with fame is the unwelcome attention it can bring. (As Brad can testify!) Paparazzi and stalkers go with the territory, of course, and anyone in the public eye is a potential target for kidnappers and assassins. (The attempted kidnapping of singer Joss Stone is a case in point.) If this weren’t worrying enough, there’s a need to protect family members too, and while 24-hour security can be reassuring, it can also be restricting.

Loss of freedom

       Once a person becomes known, he or she is public property. The usual activities most people take for granted, such as walking the dog, nipping to the supermarket, or going to the movies suddenly become military-style manoeuvres. Alternatively, the celebrity may simply opt for a life of seclusion, spending their days behind locked iron gates with less freedom than a Carmelite nun!

Loss of privacy

       Many A-Listers no doubt bewail the lack of privacy. Nowadays, they can rarely enjoy a meal or a quiet cup of coffee without being approached by curious fans.

       And just imagine the discipline it would take never to be caught in a less than flattering pose. Whereas most people can afford the occasional sly scratch or burp, and may be forgiven for absent-mindedly picking their noses, any similar lapse by a celebrity could well make front-page news.

Lies, gossip, rumours and slander

       If fame brings admiration, it also invites site, jealousy and exploitation. All it takes is a chance remark from someone pretending to be in the know and your reputation could be in tatters. 

       ‘Kiss and Tell’ stories by publicity-hungry wannabes, faint praise by unscrupulous colleagues or negative comments from anyone with a grudge are all fodder to voracious media who delight in smashing the very idols they help to create. Rumours abound.

Change of personality

       There are famous people who keep their feet on the ground, usually respected professionals for whom fame is merely a by-product of their career rather than an end in itself. 

       Sadly though, even serious artists, sports personalities and performers can succumb to fame’s not-so-subtle snares. When star-struck fans queue for hours to get a glimpse of you, when sycophants agree with every word you say, when everything you wear meets with acclaim and applause and your looks, style and attitude are slavishly copied, it takes superhuman effort not to listen to the hype, especially if you’ve been hearing it throughout your adolescence. 

       Young celebrities are particularly vulnerable; the more their egos are massaged and inflated, the more adulation they crave and the more unreasonable their behaviour becomes until that nice boy next door or kind-hearted girl who loves her mum are totally unrecognisable. A diva is created.          
       Conversely, the greater the ego, the smaller the self-esteem and the more a celebrity may lose sight of the person they really are. They may feel vulnerable and even paranoid, which causes them to retreat even further behind their carefully crafted image. And the more famous they become, the less satisfied they are.

Loneliness and strained relationships

       For all their millions of fans, superstars are often lonely people, cut off from reality, stifled by their monstrous self-regard and unable to form lasting friendships. Good advice is often viewed as criticism. Genuine friends tend to distance themselves as the superficial takes precedence in the celebrity’s life.       Marriages are particularly vulnerable. A charismatic, good-looking actor or artist of any genre will be targeted by scalp hunters and gold diggers. By the very nature of their craft, they’ll be working with other beautiful, talented performers and, when temptations inevitably arise, loyalty to a mate may often go out of the window, resulting in marriage breakdowns or, at the very least, a serious lack of trust.

Bad associations

       Certain professions are notorious for unsavoury influences. Where there’s money and glamour there will inevitably be drugs, drink and promiscuity in abundance. Just think how many wonderful, talented people have been destroyed by such practices, no doubt introduced at an early age by people pretending to be their friends.

Desperation

       Of course, there are survivors. Not every star turns to alcohol, mind-altering substances or a series of unsuitable affairs. But even celebrities with iron-cast self-control and all the Botox in the world can’t stop the march of time. Eventually, youth begins to fade and despite the miracles of cosmetic surgery can’t alter the audience’s perception. 

       This is when stars begin to ‘reinvent’ themselves – again – becoming more outrageous in a desperate attempt to gain attention, which is food and drink to seasoned entertainers. 

       But in a field where youth is everything and fame is fickle, a fading star may find the only avenues left open are reality shows. 

"Don't stop believing"

         That was the advice from ex-pat Peter Coghlan when interviewed recently by Eugene Henderson for an article on assisted suicide.

       Pete knows better than most how easy it is to give into despair.  Two years ago, he suffered a massive brain stem stroke which left him locked-in - paralysed except for his eyes, his only means of communication.

       At the time of the article, which appeared in the Sunday Express on 29^th September 2013, police were investigating the possible suicide of former teacher, Victoria Meppen-Walter, who was left in constant pain after a routine operation.

      Having woken up from a coma, Pete overheard doctors saying he’d little chance of recovery. The thought of living the rest of his life unable to move drove him to beg his mother to help him die.

       “Once people believe there is no hope, they give up, but I’ve been through a living hell and it was better than dying,” said Pete. “With the right care, physio and motivation, it can happen. I’m living proof. If you keep trying, things can change.”

       Now recovered from his ordeal, Pete lives in Perth, Western Australia and has written a book based on his experiences as a locked-in patient. “In the Blink of an Eye Reborn” is available on Amazon and Smashwords. 

Pete was totally paralysed after waking from coma

Pete today, now fully recovered from Locked-in

UK:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Blink-Eye-Reborn-Peter-Coghlan/dp/1727145593

US:
https://www.amazon.com/Blink-Eye-Reborn-Peter-Coghlan/dp/1727145593

US: 
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/314601